


The last standing (Imma stand tall)

by Timmieman



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bobby is Misunderstood, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timmieman/pseuds/Timmieman
Summary: Inspired by @bobby_sunsetswerve "But I think I'm lost without you" with their head cannon that Stand Tall was written by Bobby and Rose. I could not stop thinking about that and rewatching the song. This is an elaboration of that headcannonOr Bobby writes his heart out and and tries to survive outliving his friends.He just wants to make them proud and keep their legacy alive.Please be kind, this is my first fanfic, and unedited. I might fix it down the line.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Everything is rushing in fast, (Never) Look back

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [But I Think I'm Lost Without You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28853397) by [bobby_sunsetswerve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobby_sunsetswerve/pseuds/bobby_sunsetswerve). 



> Julie and the Phantoms, its characters, its songs do not belong to me. They belong to you know, netflix or whoever.  
> I know nothing about therapy, song writing, music contracts, agents. I am ridiculously unqualified to write this fic. Ah well. It is what it is.
> 
> So sorry about the terrible writing quality. I'm better at the idea than the execution. Hopefully the next chapter will be Bobby's reaction to hearing the boys and Julie sing at the Orpheum.

_~~1 month post-hot dog_

I opened my eyes. Sunlight streams through the window making everything golden. Dust mites float before my eyes. I feel like shit.

My eyes are crusty, my heart is heavy, the smell of sweat and hopelessness overwhelms me. I wonder how long its been. I wonder if it matters.

I don't even have the strength to make the same arguments with God. I should have died. Why did I survive? The boys were so full of life, talent, they made people _happy_ no matter where they were.

I was the loser that tagged along.

The leftover

The talent-less

The shadow to their light, lost without its source.

I wished I was dead. That I could trade my life for theirs.

_~~6 months post therapy_

I picked up my pen and tried to write.

I'm not a song writer like Luke, but I keep trying.

Every day I try and just string words together and put them on a page. I stop caring about if its good, I just want to make it sincere.

How do I talk about the agent that showed up holding a sunset curve demo? How I shut the door and he kept calling back.

Dad thought it was a good deal, he said the contract was solid. Why did signing it feel like a betrayal? We were supposed to make it _together_.

Mom says at least their music will live on if I play it.

I signed it for them.

_~~*~~_

_Don't blink_   
_No, I don't want to miss it_   
_ One thing, and it’s back to the beginning _   
_'Cause everything is rushing in fast_   
_Keep going on, never look back_

Nothing I write is good enough. He keeps asking for more songs like the demo and I tell him it wasn't me.

Luke was our song writer. Luke's dead. My music was just a playback sound that was silenced at his grave. It died with him.

He said the contract demands 10 new songs. I showed him Luke's book. The glint in his eyes makes me uneasy, but its too late, he's greedily flipping through the book making notes in its margins. I feel violated and dirty. I try to pull it back, but he grabs it and rushes out.

  
_ And it's one, two, three, four times  
That I'll try for one more night  
Light a fire in my eyes  
I'm going out of my mind _

He comes back a week later. He has a list of Luke's songs. He says I'm the only one who can sing them, I knew how they were written. Without me singing them, Luke's music will die with him.

He sounds so sincere, but I feel uneasy.

I'm so confused, who do I talk to? Who do I ask?

I agree on one condition. Sunset curve's name is on the cover, the boys are all featured and credited. He agrees. We shake on it.

I'll sing. I'll do it for them.

  
 _ Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall _ _Whatever happens, even when everything's down_  
 _I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_ _ I gotta keep on dreaming _  
_'Cause I gotta catch that feeling_  
 _Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing_  
 _I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_

I don't know how we used to do it.

Its so difficult, taking Luke's messy scrawl and turning it into magic. Everything sounds hollow and empty.

It used to be so easy. Reggie would be playing on his guitar, Alex added a little beat, Luke rushing in with a paper and we'd all laugh taking turns trying to read the indecipherable mess. We'd turn that mess into a number, then another, then another.

Not for the first time I wish it was someone else. Luke would know what to do no problem, Alex was a whiz on the drums, he could make a beat for anything. Reggie was just insanely creative and took risks like nobody's business.

I was the least talented. How will I make them proud?

I pick up my pen again. Just gotta keep at it.

~~*~~  
  
 _Right now, I'm loving every minute  
Hands down, can't let myself forgеt it, no  
'Cause everything is rushing in fast  
Keep holding on, nеver look back_

I'm finally _happy_. Its starting to finally come together. Singing the songs we wrote, teaching the melody to the team, it's the closest I've felt to the band in a year.

The drummer isn't Alex, but she adds a certain flair to the song. She misses the raw power and vulnerability in Alex's drumming, but still makes it her own.

And the bassist doesn't flick his hair and jump up and down with joyous energy, but he wants to make it work. He really wants to honour Reggie's sound.

Some songs are harder than others. Especially the one's we didn't finish. I have to sit and puzzle through entire conversations in my head. How would Alex pick up the beat? Would Luke stretch this note or belt it powerfully? I try to really pull their souls into the songs. This is my ode to them. I'm all that's left of Sunset Curve, but I won't let them down.

  
_And it’s one, two, three, four times  
That I'll try for one more night_   
_Light a fire in my eyes_   
_I'm going out of my mind_   


Betrayal.

Pain.

Anger.

I yell and trash Caleb's office. I can't believe he did that.

He calmly sits at his desk, hands folded, glint in his eye, smirk lifting his lips just a tinge.

"You promised. We shook on it!"

"First rule of show biz boy. Get it in writing." He tapped on the contract with my signature. I was utterly defeated. The album lay by my feet, mocking me. Trevor Wilson emblazoned on the cover, no mention of Sunset Curve anywhere. 

"I'll go to the press. I'll tell them during interviews, you can't keep me quiet. It doesn't matter what the album says, I can fix it."  


"Ah ah ah" he tutted. His long fingers tapped the contract again. 

"I've been in this business longer than you have son. You cannot publicize anything about the album without my approval. One whisper, one rumour, and I will sue your entire world away. And don't think I won't. You aren't the first nobody I've picked up off the streets and threw back. I always win. Be thankful, I've made you a star. Most people dream of this their whole life ."

I shake my head, blinking to stop tears. I won't be weak.

"But why? What difference did it make? They deserve the credit, it was their songs!"

"Understand the reality son. I cannot sell an album of ghosts. There's no future in that. If I put the band on the cover, we'd never sell a single copy. Now be a good boy and keep your mouth shut."

All I could do was watch the money drop in. I refused to do interviews until Caleb shook his contract at me again. I tried to stay out of the limelight. 

Therapy has a limit. the guilt ate at me day and night. I stopped sleeping. My doctor finally started me on pills. Then I kept sleeping. 

I started an anonymous blog. I kept shovelling the truth out, pretending to be an anti. I posted an article about Sunset Curve, how they died. I almost started a fringe movement to bring Sunset Curve back and boycott Trevor Wilson. Caleb got wind of it, but could never prove it was me. I was safe but the movement dissipated, websites getting reported, posts being removed. 

My depression hit an all new low. I spent most of my time in bed. Until one day the door rang and Rose came into my life.

~~*~~  
  
 _Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing_  
 _I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_  
 _Whatever happens, even when everything's down  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall  
I gotta keep on dreaming, 'cause I gotta catch that feeling  
Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_  


She was yelling. I couldn't register what she was saying for a while, I'd been out of it for so long. Eventually I pushed through the fog and heard what she was shouting,

"...Thought you were decent, I can't believe you are just a thieving asswipe, you absolute trash! I have the damn demo, I know you didn't write those songs yourself, don't you have a shred of decency?"

I started crying. And suddenly I couldn't stop. I felt like the world was crushing me. I tried _so hard_ but I just didn't know how to keep going. Rose was right, I should have found a better way, I shouldn't have given up. The room grows heavy with silence, punctuated by ugly, gasping sobs and I realize Rose had stopped yelling. I feel her sink down beside me and wrap me in a hug, stroking my back, making shushing noises.

Eventually Rose pulls the story out of me. She calls her boyfriend who roomed with a law student who looked at the contract. He tried to logic out of it from every angle, but it was airtight. I couldn't get out of it without my family losing everything. I didn't even own my own songs, the firm did. I couldn't do anything.

Except nothing.

Caleb came back demanding another 10 songs. I said no. He tried to hit me with another contract, I sidestepped him. I finally found the limit of his power, he couldn't force me to make more songs.

I stopped releasing music. I know what's going to happen to them now, it's like their soul was ripped out. They called me a one hit wonder, I didn't care. I know the truth-- I'm a zero hit wonder.

Rose helped me finish this one though. We put our heads together and I finally put into words that resilience the boys inspired me to.

I give the song to Rose. the one who saved me from the dark.

  
_Like I'm glowing in the dark_   
_I keep on going when it's all falling apart_   
_Yeah, I know with all my heart  
Ooh, ooh_   
_Never look back_   
  


~~ _2020, The Orpheum_

I don't understand. Ever since I saw the video I am in a trance. It's impossible. My mind is playing tricks on me, I am finally going crazy.  


I wonder if I should restart my anti-depressants. Can you take anti-depressants if you're hallucinating?

I book two tickets, half dazed. I drag Carrie along with me, not bothering to understand her latest drama with Julie.

I see Julie on the stage, my heart catches in my throat. I hadn't seen her since Rose died, hadn't realized how alike they looked. She starts to speak and the shadow in her eyes looks so familiar. I try to place where I saw pain and resilience battling that way before but I am drawing a blank.

The intro sounds familiar but strange. I can swear I've heard that melody before but it's different now. I'm trying to remember where I've heard it before. 

She starts to sing and it feels like Rose came back to life. 

_Don't blink_  
 _No, I don't want to miss it_  
 _One thing, and it’s back to the beginning_  
  


My heart stops. 

__


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby's feelings when Julie and the band perform his song at the Orpheum

I settle into my seat, by now I realized that my mind was playing tricks on me. Julies is on the stage alone, I'm not seeing any ghosts.

I resolve to book a new appointment with my therapist, the stress and loneliness is playing with my mind.

Gosh, she looks like her mom. I decide to just enjoy myself. I glance at Carrie, man I haven't spent time with her lately. We used to talk all the time, but since my meltdown I've just been trying to survive. I promise myself to take a weekend out with her, try and figure out whats going on in her life. She seems so stiff, holding that perfect pose that says "I don't care". I'm being a bad father, a bad friend.

I'll just enjoy tonight, tomorrow, I'll take her out, just the two of us.

  
_Don't blink_   
_No, I don't want to miss it_   
_ One thing, and it’s back to the beginning _

She sounds just like Rose. Guilt swallows me whole again. I have just been drowning in missing my friend, I didn't even look after her daughter. Rose was there for me when I was at my lowest, and I couldn't even give Julie or Ray a call. I try and see if I can see Ray over the crowd when suddenly it clicks.

  
_'Cause everything is rushing in fast_   
_Keep going on, never look back_

My head turns so fast I get whiplash. I am transfixed. For a second it feels like Rose came back and we're singing this song together. I wrote the words, she set the melody. It feels like yesterday and a million years ago all at once.   
  
  
_And it's one, two, three, four times  
That I'll try for one more night  
Light a fire in my eyes  
I'm going out of my mind_

How fitting. Jules must miss her mom so much. Her voice is haunting, but the hope and determination in her eyes lifts her lips into a smile.

Even though I wasn't there for her, I'm glad my song was. I wonder if she knows the story behind it.  
  
  
 _Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_  
 _Whatever happens, even when everything's down_  
 _I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_  
  


I feel the pain in my words and her voice. I feel my heart fill up and my throat clog. How long has it been since I pushed the pain away? I've suppressed memories of the boys to cope.

I remember when they were the reason I got up each morning, to keep their legacy alive. When I lost their legacy, I lost my reason to live. All I could do was push away the guilt, and by extension, the memories.

This song was my goodbye.

_ I gotta keep on dreaming _   
_'Cause I gotta catch that feeling_   
_Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing_   
_I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_

I realize I'm mouthing the words with her. If only I had that range, my God. Her voice lifted me up.The pain in her voice transformed into hope so beautifully, I forgot what the pain even felt like. 

She reminds me of Luke in so many small, painful ways. I bet they'd have loved each other. Musical geniuses with the ability to touch people's hearts.

Maybe this is why I had the hallucination, my subconscious wanted me to come hear this song again. So I could remember the love we had and forgive myself. Maybe even move on.

_ ~~ _ _ Alex, drums _

Its him.

Pink suit, floppy hair, _he's smiling_

That effortless rhythm he has with the drums, like they're an extension to his soul

_He's playing the song I wrote for him._

He looks _happy_

I think I've died.

I must be dreaming

Its someone else, it has to be.

~~ _Reggie, guitar_

I've died. There's no other explanation.

25 years of pain, and God suddenly had mercy on me

I see his smile and melt like I always did, his stupid hair oh so carefully falling across his forehead

_ Right now, I'm loving every minute _

I don't know if this is a dream, I just don't want it to end.   


_  
Hands down, can't let myself forgеt it, no _

I remember everything. Every laugh, every fight, every song.   


The drowning of my soul when the cops called me to the hospital

The death I felt each day for months on end

_  
'Cause everything is rushing in fast _

The good times. Crashing at the studio. Getting our first instruments. Playing the book club. Busking at the beach.  


The bad times. Luke running away, holding Luke while he sang for his mom. Hiding Reggie on weekends between our houses so he wouldn't have to go home. Throwing Alex a birthday party when his family ignored it, giving him all the love he needed. 

_ Keep holding on, nеver look back _

Luke must be next. Where is he.  


_ And it’s one, two, three, four times _

There's something wrong.   


_  
That I'll try for one more night _

He keeps flickering. What IS WRONG.

  
_Light a fire in my eyes_

The boys are exchanging uneasy glances. Something is very wrong. He looks so scared. Oh my lord he looks terrified. Is he in pain?

_~~Luke_   
_ I'm going out of my mind _

The JOY in his face. I feel my insides exploding like the fireworks on the screen. Julie rushes over, like I want to. I suddenly realize I'm standing up, when I feel a pressure on my hand. Absent mindedly I brush Carrie away and sit back down, all my focus on that stage where my band was _alive,_ playing again.   
  
_Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing_  
 _I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_

This is not a hallucination. I am not creative enough to have dreamt this. _My boys_ are singing _my song._

  
_Whatever happens, even when everything's down  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall'_

Luke has always made magic

He changed the entire meaning of the song. His strength, his joy, remade the song from one of pain and suffering to a song of rebellion.

Luke the rule breaker, Luke the leader. He can inspire the masses.

The crowd was going wild now, Julie feeding into his energy erupted into a cannon of purple tulle and sound.

_I gotta keep on dreaming, 'cause I gotta catch that feeling  
Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_

  
_Like I'm glowing in the dark_   
_ I keep on going when it's all falling apart _   
_Yeah, I know with all my heart  
Ooh, ooh_   
_Never look back_

It was like watching Sunset Curve evolved. Did we look that carefree and happy? Is this what I've been grieving these past 25 years?

God, it was worth every second.   
  
  
_Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing_  
 _I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_

Alex's voice is what pulls me up until I am standing. My feet move forward with purpose.

  
_Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall_

Reggie's kindness keeps pulling me forwards. He always sings to make others feel better. Even now, I can hear him giving me permission. To throw my guilt away, lift up my head, keep moving forward.

  
_ Stand tall  
Stand tall _

I don't know why I'm moving. I never decided to, my soul just called out and like a magnet, theirs responded.

_  
Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall  
Whatever happens, even when everything's down  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall _

I reach the stage. Juile is the first to see me, just as she's about to reach Luke. She falters, confused. I don't know if something in my eyes spoke to her, or if Rose moved her hand, but she offered me the mic.

I hadn't sung in years, I don't know if I remembered how anymore, but I just _felt_

_  
I gotta keep on dreaming, 'cause I gotta catch that feeling _

My voice is low, it catches from emotion, but I keep going. The hope that's been rising in my chest, the despair of the last 25 year, the guilt from my career, I try to push it all into my voice.   


I finally sing the song to the ones I wrote it for. My boys. My band. 

_  
Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing  
I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall _

They disappear.   



End file.
